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About this Momma

I would like to keep this blog safe from family and friends in real life, so I have a place to really talk.   That is the plan so far. I just need a safe harbor so to speak.  With no names being mentioned no one can google me and see my stuff, hopefully.  And I will feel more open because I don’t have to worry.  While I KNOW not everything online is private, I accept that, I am not writing anything that ‘can’t’ be said aloud, I just don’t want to say it aloud, you know?    To accomplish that feeling of safety I won’t use names, even my own on the blog.   I can tell you though that I am in my late 20’s, have children, a husband (my third) and live in the south east.

I have quite the history, some say I should write a book, but I don’t think I could put everything in to words.  By the time I was 18 I had been married and divorced, had two children and lost one of them to SIDS, within a year of the divorce I had killed a friend in a car accident and lost custody of my son to his father due to depression from not dealing with the two recent deaths and divorce.  Within a few more horrible years I was married and divorced again and had a daughter… soon after letting her live with my ex as well… depression took hold with a fury.. I was in and out of hospitals, diagnosis after diagnosis, suicide attempts and even joined the army, only to be send home on medical discharge when they discovered my past (my requiter told me not to mention my past as they wouldn’t let me in- little did I know, they have ways of finding out.)  By the time I was 23 I had been married twice, had three kids that I never saw and a ‘honorable’ medical discharge from the military. How I got honorable is beyond me, I lied for goodness sake.

Then I got with my current husband, who is great, has his own baggage of things to deal with from his past, but we fell in love. Waited 2 years to get engaged, then another to get married. We have been married 2 years now and have a baby girl. Most of the relationship has been great, my family does not approve because of his past and how that will affect us in the future.  Without going into details right now I can say he is on probation for 15 years because of a accusation when he was 17.   Mentally I have been doing so much better, only recently have I felt myself slipping back into depression.  We would have never tried and had a baby had I known this was threatning to come back. But here we are and I am working on it. With you.

As I write I will link to the posts from here that elaborate on the events from the past, so you can see a little deeper into me, and hopefully by finally writing all this I can move on and get better.  Any comments or stories from you will ony help me in this journey. I only know I feel so alone right now.

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