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If You’re going through hell

June 21, 2009

I know it may seem right now that I am having a pitty party, while that is a little true, I like to believe that this is my therapy. I started blogging as a release years ago, then that blog got bigger and bigger and my family read it and friends read it, and I started to have to censor what I wrote. I couldn’t talk about a argument I had with my husband because my mom would read it and think she was right, after all, if he is so perfect why would we ever fight? So I lost the release I got. So here we are, after a few very bad months I have a new blog, and I can say what I want, how I want to say it.

Right now I want to share a song that inspires me soo much, it is amazing and so true. Below the lyrics and video is the story of how it cam about, it is quite funny now, not then, but it is now.

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there
When you’re goin’ through hell keep on movin’
Face that fire walk right through it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

Are you ready for this? I had returned from the army with a medial discharge, and gotten with my husband (then boyfriend) ((read the about page for why I got a army discharge)) anyway, he had just gotten laid off from his job and we had to move quickly from where we were, we literally had about $300 dollars and less than 12 hours to find a place. We ended up finding a motel, one of those really cheap extended stay ones, NOT one of the nice extended stay ‘brand name’ hotels, I am talking about right in the middle of cracktown cheap. (see picture from google maps below)

hotel

 

But it was going to have to do, we just needed a roof and a bathroom. We had one room with a tiny bathroom, no kitchen, just a tiny fridge and a old microwave in the one room. We did dishes in the bathroom, I kept it clean, we did ok. It was scary at times, we did not socialize at all, kept to ourselves and found a job, as a matter of fact thats when he got his current job. We stayed there for about 4-5 months, we could have (and wanted to) leave much sooner, but were being responsible and saving money so that when we did move we could get a nice place. Never bothered the owner, never paid late, were clean, no drugs, loud music, etc.

Then we finally got the money up to move and we let the landlord know we would be leaving friday evening after work, when that weeks rent was due, afterall, it was a motel, not an apartment, one weeks notice should be fine.. right? NO… the owner acted like it was ok, but as we soon found out, it was not. Thursday night we spent the night packing, loaded the car with everything we could fit, thankfully that included most things of value, like my computer and our television, etc. Friday morning I took Joseph to work and headed to the new place to unload and left to return to the motel by about 9am, this is where shit hits the fan! I pull up and our door is open… wha???? I jump out and run in, the room was empty and clean…. OMG, all our things are GONE!

I freak out, there are clothes, food, dishes, pictures, etc, everything that wouldn’t fit in the car was there. It was all packed and by the door, I had even left a nice note just in case someone stopped by to clean the room, saying I took the first load and would be back by noon to get the rest and clean the room! I go to the owner in tears and he has turned to mr. jeckyll, YELLED at me swearing we said we would be gone by last night and that he did not have time for crappy people to get the stuff… I as him where everything went, nicely and crying, I was NOT a crappy person, we stayed there to save money, we didn’t do drugs or talk to all the druggy tenants there. He points to the dumpster outside, there I find everything, he let the local crack heads clean our room out and anything they didn’t want was thrown in there, all boxes DUMPED, things missing, they destroyed everything. I call my husband crying and he heads over.

We salvage what we can and leave, he was so upset but just wanted to get out of there before he ended up in jail for hitting this guy, thinking back we should have called the cops, that was not legal in any sense. We were PAID until saturday morning. Anyway, he is driving his bosses truck in front of me while we head to the new place, I am in tears. Literally wanting to die, I felt so hopeless, pictures had soda poured on them, it was so bad. AS I pull out of the driveway this song comes on, like it was talking to me and only me. I pulled over and cried my eyes out. Then I moved on, it really inspired me to get over it and appreciate that we were out of there and moving into a nice 2 bedroom home. Regardless of how we got there.

We were married about 7 months later, and have moved only once since then, and when we moved we doubled our space again, still two bedrooms but so much bigger. Moving upwards and onwards.

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